I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
my liver is dry heaving
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
