Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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