I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
