Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
