At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
