Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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