they need to just BURY HIM!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
