I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
