what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
