I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
