A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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