when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
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