Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
