oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
