I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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