youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
