While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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