Your face is a jimmy john
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
what day is it and did you see me today?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
