I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
