Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
