It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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