Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
