you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
