I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
