So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
