im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
