We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
