I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
