I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
