I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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