Are we in a gay sports bar?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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