woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
