I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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