this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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