We're facebook friends in real life
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
