I showed him my bush... on skype.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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