you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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