I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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