I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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