But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
