I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They took my balls.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize