I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize