Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
