$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
