dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
