Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
