you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He passed out mid-signature
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
