I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
