I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
