I just threw up on my dentist
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
