im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
