So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize