oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
