my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
