There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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