He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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