I think im going to throw up on grandma
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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