I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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