You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
