oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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