I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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