you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
