I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
