I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
