just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
