Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
