walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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