the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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