I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
