The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
