I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
