I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize