3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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