that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
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You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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