Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
