Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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