That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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