I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You ruined the universe
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
