That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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