You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
