My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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