Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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