just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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