im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
