Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
