so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
