is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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