He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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