I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
